she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
