Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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