he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
