big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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