remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
