lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
