Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
