I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
