so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
