it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
