dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
