It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
