she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
