Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
