I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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