i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
