bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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