He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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