My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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