I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
