you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
