You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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