She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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