Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
