The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
