Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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