yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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