Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
