Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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