cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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