She is in my trunk
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
