Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
