College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
