dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
