i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
