he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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