I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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