I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
