If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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