the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
