My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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