Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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