I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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