Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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