You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
