Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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