I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
