I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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