I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
we should paint friendship bongs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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