you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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